These are the meds I’m on. When I first caught up with my GP he told me that since I had been feeling the way I’ve been feeling for over 6 months, medication was the only way for me to get better. I was of the mindset that I wouldn’t ever need antidepressants. Much like religion, I thought antidepressants were more for weaker people (and that I was strong enough to tackle anything in life), but last year I watched this video of Dr. Jordan B Peterson (a Professor of Psychology and clinical psychologist) openly admit that he uses (and needs) antidepressants in order to function, well that video primed me to say OK to my GP and here we are.

Efexor-XR is for depression. My GP started me on a small dose initially. I decided against doing any online research about the drug and instead just started dunking them, if anything having a pill a day was creating some sort of “routine” in my life. I was super curious to see if I could feel any effects, but to be honest, all I felt was drowsiness. Some days I thought I felt better, but I was leaning more towards that it was a placebo than the medication.

A few weeks in I found out that a friend of mine was on the same drug, but she was given a MUCH bigger dose to begin with, that prompted me to book in to see a psychologist. The psychologist I got was fucked. A plank of wood. So dead. I doubt she even had a pulse. My Mum then found what she thought was a good psychiatrist. Dr Hyde… with that name how could I not?!

Turns out Dr. Hyde is a really likeable guy. I spilt the beans (it’s not getting easier to tell this mess of a story as it always changes depending on my current mood) and based on his assessment he ruled a few things out, but then prescribed me to Quetiapine Sandoz, a drug prescribed for Bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia. He started me on a very small dose, and suggested that over the following few months that I up it myself if I felt like I needed to (as I’m on a very low safe dose to begin with). This drug makes me a lot drowsier than the Efexor, but it’s meant to be taken at night so all good.

So despite “going” slow with this medication I’m still not sure about how exactly it’s working, and how it’s helping me. I’ve caught myself singing out loud on some mornings, might seem little to you, but that’s been pretty huge for me. Speaking of music, music is part of my daily life again and I’m loving that. I’ve stopped having suicidal thoughts, and I can’t be sure the drugs have had anything to do with that, or not, but for now I’m just going with it as I seem to be getting better by the day.

PS: I’m still smoking weed daily but the aim is not to. My intake has gone from $300/week (IE: comatose) to smoking nothing but keif the past few months. I’m sure my weed addiction has a lot to do with everything, and going cold turkey (then rehab if I fail) is the aim for now.