Earlier in the year I was in a pretty dark place. I saw 2 psychotherapists at that time, both of them didn’t help much. Those who know me know that I’m an open book and I was sharing my journey back out of the hole in public. I had a guy from the car scene, Kimble Chan, reach out with offers to help (he’s a trained hypnotherapist), but at that time I discounted the fact that the guy was much younger than me, and thus wouldn’t be able to help.
Over time I had a few more friends suggest I see Kimble as he had successfully helped them get through some shit. In my Facebook post earlier in the week I mentioned that I wanted to try and give meditation a go. Kimble reached out once more and this time I took him up on his offer.
Yesterday Kimble dropped past. There was a lot going on in the studio. All 3 of my business partners were in, so too a male model and a client for a studio shoot. Kimble and I had a good chat whilst the rest of the team got busy. It turns out he also uses hypnotherapy to help people quit smoking (I really want to quit smoking), and he helped my mechanic Indy to quit. This is pretty epic news to me as Indy smokes like a chimney. If Indy can quit then so can I!
Once the studio shoot was done Kimble kindly offered to teach us all a few skills (team building!). We sat out on my deck, in the sun, and had a little meditation session and it was awesome. There’s always been a lot of noise in my head, and I’ve always been pessimistic about meditation. After yesterday’s session I realise I’ve perhaps overcomplicated it all. I thought that meditation was full of fluff and sold as this miracle thing, but in reality, it is what it is. A time out, eyes shut, breathing and learning how to focus.
Kimble hung out for most of the day and at the end of the day his relationship counselling came to the front as my business partner Dianne and I clashed heads. He loved the dynamic between us, and suggested it was a good thing. I agree! I’ve run a few businesses with like minded people and often felt like there were too many chefs in the kitchen, but Dianne and I are completely different people, we butt heads often and I feel that’s exactly what’s going to help this business succeed.
Last April, on my Dad’s death anniversary, I bought myself an eBay tattoo kit (something I’ve wanted to do for a long time). It’s been sitting on my coffee table ever since. Dianne often says that I’m full of shit, and she’s brought up the tattoo kit more than a few times, suggesting that I tend to say I want to do things, but often don’t follow through. That’s not me, at all.
Where I once loved proving people wrong, now I don’t care much for whether someone thinks what I do is right, or wrong. Where I once thought I was going to die in my 40’s (my father was 47 when he passed, I was 18) I now realise it’s not my choice to die at 47. In retrospect; it makes sense why I’ve gone so hard since I was 18. I always had it in my mind that I had to do everything I’ve ever wanted to do before 47, and I went fucking hard. I’ve made a lot of marks in the wall, and I can now perhaps attribute all of my achievements to the fact that I set a deadline for myself.
But today is a different day. I’ve got time, and knowing so has me lifting off the accelerator pedal, a lot.
Rather that sit there, arguing with Dianne with Kimble in the middle, I decided to tattoo myself with the eBay tattoo gun. Not to prove her wrong, as proving her wrong wasn’t going to benefit either her, or me, but more just because the time felt right.
I’m not sure what Kimble made of our first meeting, but I’m looking forward to seeing him again, and hopefully (I’m positive!), he can help me to quit smoking.