The most important lesson I’ve learnt so far in the two weeks I’ve been chasing my dream, is that the amount of sacrifices I’ve had to make are absolutely abysmal. I’m cutting down a lot on spending while out and about. The cost cutting mainly comes from dropping the $9.70 large McChicken meal to the $5 feed, and also cutting down on the intensity of mountain runs to save the most fuel I can (both are necessities of life). It’s kind of sad how much I’m saving just by cutting those two things shorter. I’ve also had to stop going out on useless outings with friends where I’d spend little amounts that’d eventually accumulate to quite a substantial amount. That being said, I’m probably going to have to stop hanging out with my friends quite a lot just to save money. I guess I’ve just got to find the sweet spot where I’m saving money and hanging out with friends at the same time. Sounds easy, but I can assure you, it’s not!
Another sacrifice is time. Dedicating all day, every day, apart from Saturday and Sunday (but even then…) to work is mentally demanding. The only way I make it through the day is by literally drawing the tracks I could possibly be driving on in the future. I’ve got a job thanks to a good friend of mine however it doesn’t suit me very much at all, nevertheless with that being said I’m doing whatever I can to continue working as the pay and hours are great. I guess you could say that job is very much the key to the door of my dreams and I can’t afford to lose it.
When I seriously think about it, it’s stupid isn’t it? Dedicating all this time, energy, money. Hell, even sanity, just to drive a car on a track for an hour every 2 months or so. Despite that being said, that one hour feels so damn necessary that no matter how much I try to describe it, the feelings for it can’t be defined by using the English language. As I’ve already said in the past article, I just need to do it. I just simply stand next to a race car, and without sounding too much like a freak, my body starts behaving weirdly. The car just has an overwhelming presence to me. I just need to sit inside, and I need to fiddle with it.
So that brings me to the main point. Are these ‘sacrifices’, really sacrifices? They definitely feel like sacrifices to me. Do you really think I want to buy a $5 feed instead of a large meal at McDonalds? Do you also think I’m happy doing mountain runs without ever going to wide open throttle? Hell no. Might as well beat me up, strip me naked, tie me up and leave me in the middle of Surfers Paradise. However, thinking about it in the long run. There isn’t even a guarantee I’ll get a drive. Hell, there is an even bigger chance I don’t have what it takes even if I do get a drive! But for some reason I’m still going forward, working myself to death every day, putting in 110% effort even if I’m failing.
I’ve only got one chance at this, and I don’t care how much I’ve got to sacrifice. The way I see it is, the more I sacrifice, the more reward there is in the future. So I’ll keep on going. I feel like I’m in the deep sea, with darkness all around, not knowing which way is up or down. All I know is that I’ve just got to choose one way and commit myself to it and hope to see light.